5 Helpful Weed Tips For Beginners

Shout outs to all my new Hail Mary Jane contributors. I put out the call and you guys responded. I’m ultra-excited about the future of Hail Mary Jane. Shout outs to my man Kyler Durden who put together this awesome list of tips that will go a long way when you are starting your weed smoking journey.

Throughout my years of cannabis smoking, I have discovered many cheap, easy tips to help out anyone who smokes. Inspired by the “American Genius” also known as Adam Carolla, I bring you, Do Yourself A Favor. But first, I feel I must tell everyone my “street cred” since I am new to this blog.

I live in rural Michigan, where in a span of 10 minutes, you can see up-tight, rich as hell, conformist, picture-perfect, suburban families as well as back-woods rednecks with an average IQ of 47 and an average tooth count of 6. I’ve been smoking for 4 years, but fully embraced the pot culture 2 years ago. Through my trial and error techniques, when it comes to smoking I think I have a broad and firm grasp on what the average American stoner goes through.

These 5 tips will make the life of any stoner easier. I personally follow these tips on a daily basis and I’ve never been caught with marijuana by anyone who I didn’t want knowing I smoke.

Everything I include on this list costs under $3.00.

Beginners Guide To Weed

1. Black & Mild Cigars

If you’re someone (like me) who has trouble rolling big thick blunts, or if you just want an easier way to do it, do yourself a favor and get a Black & Mild. You can by them in 5-packs or just single ones. Simply squeeze out the tobacco that’s inside, and now you have a pre-rolled hollow blunt with a mouth piece. All that’s left now is to grind up your bud good, then slide the weed down the blunt, packing it down with a pen every time of course. If you pack it tight and all the way to the top, you can fit almost an 1/8er bag inside of just one. Now trust me, this is best used with at least 2-3 people. I wouldn’t recommend smoking an entire one alone. I would know from experience…. Not good times.

Price: One Black N’ Mild Cigar: $1.34 with tax. (and I live in Michigan, where our tobacco tax is fucking insane!)

2. Buy Two Lighters – Essential For New Stoners

This just dawned on me the other day while standing in line at the gas station, baked, and waiting to buy a Black N’ Mild for later. Next time you’re out lighter shopping, do yourself a favor and buy 2. Bic sells 2 sizes of lighters, Regular Size and Baby Size. Buy one of each, keeping the Regular Size one in your car, and the other Baby Size lighter in your pocket at all times. How bad does it suck while you’re 3 hits into a full bong load and then your lighter dies? Solution: Get the other one out of the car. Have you ever gone driving with a J or a blunt, but realize you left your lighter at home? Solution: one in your pocket, one always in the car.

Price: 2 Bic Lighters, one Reg and one Baby: $2.73 with tax.

3. Hollow Out A Real Book To Put Your Stash In

For every smoker on the go, this is a must. Do yourself a favor and hollow out a book to hide your bud. This one actually doesn’t cost anything if you have an older book no one will miss. The only requirements are that the book must be a hard cover version and must be at least 340 pages long. This isn’t as thick as you think (2 and half inches thick. [That’s what she said!] ). I personally have a stash book that is 330 pages long. It can comfortably hold a ½ ounce and a Baby lighter (or a ¼ ounce and a Reg lighter). My book, entitled ‘Smack’ (which I stole from the high school library in 2005) is about two teenage runaway lovers who live in England and get addicted to heroin. ‘Publisher’s Weekly’ said that it is an “unflinching depiction of the seductive pleasures as well as insidious horrors of heroin…”

I started cutting a rectangle with a kitchen knife on page 27 and stopped cutting on 294. It took me an entire episode of ‘House’ to finish. Looks just like an innocent book until you turn past page 26…

Price: 340 Page Book: Free/Kitchen Knife: Free (You have that shit in your house, you know you do.)

4. Playing Cards Have Many Uses

A simple deck of playing cards when used in relation to weed will give you a year full of its numerous and various uses. Do yourself a favor and buy a pack at the gas station or a dollar store. One use is it helps scrape up the excess weed that falls on the table or whatever you’re breaking on. Another use is, that after you’re done grinding up your bud, pour the ground up stuff on a playing card. Then, simply curve the card like a scoop and simply pour your ground-up goodness into the bong or bowl. Easy, fast, and you don’t have to use your fingers so the THC stays off your finger tips and in the bowl where it belongs.

And another use is only used in case of emergencies. If your bong slider breaks off at the part that holds itself into the bong, it might mean you have to buy another one to keep smoking from that bong.

But, if you roll up a playing card like you’re rolling a joint, slide it into the slider half way, then place the broken end onto card too, It’s like nothing ever happened.

Price: A deck of playing cards: $1 (at any dollar store) per year. (PER YEAR)

5. Save Your Roaches

Blunt roaches, joint roaches, and any other kind of roach you have, do yourself a favor and save them! Everyone once in a while in a stoner’s life, money can get tight. And by that I mean eating a spoonful of peanut butter for lunch because that’s all you have to eat because your fucking roommate blew his pay check at the bar when you told him the day before that it was his turn to buy the groceries!!!!!… Sorry, I got a little personal there for a second. Apologies… But anyway, if you put your roaches in a special ash tray or tin or whatever, you have some for a rainy day.

Price: Nothing! It actually saves you money and saves your sanity when you realize you have a few extra roaches to hold you over for 4 days until its payday. (Sorry, getting personal again.)

And that’s just five I was thinking about at the moment. I bet if I wasn’t as baked as I am right now and had some more time to think, I could name off 10 more. And I bet you guys have some “Do Yourself A Favor” tips for you to share as well. Leave your own tips in the comments area.