Sep 06 2009
5 Helpful Beginners Tips For New Stoners
Shout outs to all my new Hail Mary Jane contributors. I put out the call and you guys responded. I’m ultra-excited about the future of Hail Mary Jane. Shout outs to my man Kyler Durden who put together this awesome list of tips that will go a long way when you are starting your weed smoking journey.
Throughout my years of cannabis smoking, I have discovered many cheap, easy tips to help out anyone who smokes. Inspired by the “American Genius” also known as Adam Carolla, I bring you, Do Yourself A Favor. But first, I feel I must tell everyone my “street cred” since I am new to this blog. I live in rural Michigan, where in a span of 10 minutes, you can see up-tight, rich as hell, conformist, picture-perfect, suburban families as well as back-woods rednecks with an average IQ of 47 and an average tooth count of 6. I’ve been smoking for 4 years, but fully embraced the pot culture 2 years ago. Through my trial and error techniques, when it comes to smoking I think I have a broad and firm grasp on what the average American stoner goes through.
These 5 tips will make the life of any stoner easier. I personally follow these tips on a daily basis and I’ve never been caught with marijuana by anyone who I didn’t want knowing I smoke. Everything I include on this list costs under $3.00.
1. Black & Mild Cigars
If you’re someone (like me) who has trouble rolling big thick blunts, or if you just want an easier way to do it, do yourself a favor and get a Black & Mild. You can by them in 5-packs or just single ones. Simply squeeze out the tobacco that’s inside, and now you have a pre-rolled hollow blunt with a mouth piece. All that’s left now is to grind up your bud good, then slide the weed down the blunt, packing it down with a pen every time of course. If you pack it tight and all the way to the top, you can fit almost an 1/8er bag inside of just one. Now trust me, this is best used with at least 2-3 people. I wouldn’t recommend smoking an entire one alone. I would know from experience…. Not good times.
Price: One Black N’ Mild Cigar: $1.34 with tax. (and I live in Michigan, where our tobacco tax is fucking insane!)
2. Buy Two Lighters
This just dawned on me the other day while standing in line at the gas station, baked, and waiting to buy a Black N’ Mild for later. Next time you’re out lighter shopping, do yourself a favor and buy 2. Bic sells 2 sizes of lighters, Regular Size and Baby Size. Buy one of each, keeping the Regular Size one in your car, and the other Baby Size lighter in your pocket at all times. How bad does it suck while you’re 3 hits into a full bong load and then your lighter dies? Solution: Get the other one out of the car. Have you ever gone driving with a J or a blunt, but realize you left your lighter at home? Solution: one in your pocket, one always in the car.
Price: 2 Bic Lighters, one Reg and one Baby: $2.73 with tax.
3. Hollow Out A Real Book To Put Your Stash In
For every smoker on the go, this is a must. Do yourself a favor and hollow out a book to hide your bud. This one actually doesn’t cost anything if you have an older book no one will miss. The only requirements are that the book must be a hard cover version and must be at least 340 pages long. This isn’t as thick as you think (2 and half inches thick. [That’s what she said!] ). I personally have a stash book that is 330 pages long. It can comfortably hold a ½ ounce and a Baby lighter (or a ¼ ounce and a Reg lighter). My book, entitled ‘Smack’ (which I stole from the high school library in 2005) is about two teenage runaway lovers who live in England and get addicted to heroin. ‘Publisher’s Weekly’ said that it is an “unflinching depiction of the seductive pleasures as well as insidious horrors of heroin…”
I started cutting a rectangle with a kitchen knife on page 27 and stopped cutting on 294. It took me an entire episode of ‘House’ to finish. Looks just like an innocent book until you turn past page 26…
Price: 340 Page Book: Free/Kitchen Knife: Free (You have that shit in your house, you know you do.)
4. Playing Cards Have Many Uses
A simple deck of playing cards when used in relation to weed will give you a year full of its numerous and various uses. Do yourself a favor and buy a pack at the gas station or a dollar store. One use is it helps scrape up the excess weed that falls on the table or whatever you’re breaking on. Another use is, that after you’re done grinding up your bud, pour the ground up stuff on a playing card. Then, simply curve the card like a scoop and simply pour your ground-up goodness into the bong or bowl. Easy, fast, and you don’t have to use your fingers so the THC stays off your finger tips and in the bowl where it belongs.
And another use is only used in case of emergencies. If your bong slider breaks off at the part that holds itself into the bong, it might mean you have to buy another one to keep smoking from that bong.
But, if you roll up a playing card like you’re rolling a joint, slide it into the slider half way, then place the broken end onto card too, It’s like nothing ever happened.
Price: A deck of playing cards: $1 (at any dollar store) per year. (PER YEAR)
5. Save Your Roaches
Blunt roaches, joint roaches, and any other kind of roach you have, do yourself a favor and save them! Everyone once in a while in a stoner’s life, money can get tight. And by that I mean eating a spoonful of peanut butter for lunch because that’s all you have to eat because your fucking roommate blew his pay check at the bar when you told him the day before that it was his turn to buy the groceries!!!!!… Sorry, I got a little personal there for a second. Apologies… But anyway, if you put your roaches in a special ash tray or tin or whatever, you have some for a rainy day.
Price: Nothing! It actually saves you money and saves your sanity when you realize you have a few extra roaches to hold you over for 4 days until its payday. (Sorry, getting personal again.)
And that’s just five I was thinking about at the moment. I bet if I wasn’t as baked as I am right now and had some more time to think, I could name off 10 more. And I bet you guys have some “Do Yourself A Favor” tips for you to share as well. Leave your own tips in the comments area.
Good Times,
Kyler Durden
Last 5 posts by Kyler Durden
- Ellen Page Is The Cutest Stoner Ever - October 9th, 2009
- Stoned At The Movies: Zombieland (w/ Video Review) - October 5th, 2009
- 5 Statements That Will Make Stoners Hate Me - October 3rd, 2009
- Stoned At The Movies: Surrogates (Special Video Edition) - September 26th, 2009
- The Future Of Medical Marijuana - September 25th, 2009
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I personally have never liked using black and milds at all… Tried it once and that was enough for me to know that it wasn't for me. LoL @ you smoking one all by yourself. I bet that was rough…
Great tips overall though, especially about the roaches… That will save you from time to time
Nice tips. I don’t like the Black n Mild but if you have to , why not? A bottle of water is still under $3 and makes for a good bong =) Blunt wraps are usually $.75 to $1.25, they come 2 in each pack and are awesome for rolling. EZ Widers are horrible in my opinion, they save you if all you need is a quick one.
That’s all I can think of now. Happy toking!!
Very good tips! Especially the lighter one, I just had that dilemma the other day……other quick tip…take off that F'n safety, it just gets in the way!
Thanks on the feedback. I only use the Black and Mild wood tipped ones now, so i won't ever get the plastic taste near the end. I suck at rolling blunts, so i unless someone else is rolling, i always get a Black and Mild. and I 100% agree on removing the safety as well.
Good Times.xD
DUDE JUST TOKE AND DONT 4GET 2 ASK UR MOM IF SHE WANTS TO HIT IT……..LOL 420!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
some cool tips apart from saving the roaches! thats some nasty shit!!
i used to save roaches in ash trays and they would pile up into huge pyramids which looked pretty cool and made it very clear what the purpose of the room what that they were centred in. sometimes if me and a friend only had a small joint to share they would ask if they could hit some of the roaches. that always made me look at them as ‘lower class’ weed heads. its just trampy!
Awesome awesome tips!!! The lighter tip is essential.
I would like to add that investing in an electric coffee grinder can save money in the long run. Coffee grinders run for about $15 at Wal-mart. They bust large quantities (and small) of bud quickly and efficently AND the THC crystal collects in the lid which makes for POTENT hoots when you are out of bud or just want to be super high! You can also smack the THC back in with the bud.
1. Learn to roll. Papers are cheaper than those nasty cigars and you don't ruin the taste of good weed.
2. 4 packs of lighters are cheaper.
3. No one has ever heard of this, especially the cops. Just put it in a drawer under stuff.
4. If you had a pack of papers (see #1) you wouldn't have to buy cards. Also, if you have a bong lying around, why are you worried about hiding the stash? (see #3)
5. This is worthwhile. Read up on making hash oil with butane. Excellent use for roaches.
Here are my tips:
1. Never carry more than you can eat in the time it takes a cop to walk from his car to yours.
2. Buy in bulk. By weight, quarter pounds are a hell of a lot cheaper than buying dime bags. It also leaves you less exposed to dealers which could be watched.
3. Better yet, grow your own and don't tell anyone… even that hot little blond with the big tits you are trying to tap.
4. For long term storage (over a week), loose and in a humidor is the best way to store. Put the humidor in a cool place and handle it as little as possible.
5. To rehydrate dried out stash, a bit of citrus peel overnight does the trick.
6. Get hold of some low grade stash? Dry ice is your friend (read up on this one).
7. For small quantities (1/2 oz or less) it's better to roll it right away or put it in a film can with a little citrus peel. The constant flexing of a baggie while you handle it or have it stuffed in your underwear next to mr. happy makes the trichromes drop off the buds. Also, the static electricity on the baggie makes our little trichrome friends adhere to the inside.
8. Vaporizers are the best way to partake and save bud.
9. If you use a vaporizer, you don't have to break up the buds, just pinch a piece off.
10. If you want to smoke joints, it's better to roll 2 or 3 small ones rather than one big one, the larger cherry on the end burns up the thc before it turns to smoke.
11. Same goes with a bong. Use a one hit bowl instead of large bowls.
I've always thought that knowing how to remove the safety on Bics was a good thing. Just take a key or something similar and bend up the two little prongs on top of the lighter. Bend back the safety ring all the way and rip it out. Then just bend the little prongs back and now your Bic sparks smooth as butter.
I also agree with the roach thing, has saved me several times.
Another thing is if you have no idea how to roll (you should really learn) you can turn a dollar into a joint roller. Simply bend the end of the bill (the bill is longways obviously) a bit and put your broken up bud into it and stick the paper in between the bud and bill with the sticky side at the top. Then just roll it closed and lick the paper before the bill hides it.
That's all I got for now.
You can't make hash oil from cannabis, they are two separate plants.
wrong!!!!!!
you are an idiot
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